Nine Years an Atheist
Posted: Tuesday, September 01, 2009
by Marijo Phelps
Through a series of events that God had put together, this atheist of nine years found herself praying. I was praying to the god I wasn't sure was really there. Life was a mess. I was hurting those I professed to love. I was drinking too much and making terrible choices.
My younger sister has changed tremendously. I had to ask questions. I scoffed and poked fun at her but underneath that tough exterior I was thoughtful. As soon as I put her on the plane, I found myself at the Christian bookstore getting the book on Bible prophesy she recommended.
Later that day, I found myself getting ready for work, taking a bath and talking out loud, to god, IF he was there. I needed help.
"I've made a wreck of my life. If you're there, I need you to forgive me and to have you take over." This went on for some time. I am not sure what I expected, but nothing "weird" happened. I felt calm and peaceful, like a huge bounder in a backpack was lifted off my shoulders.
"Hey, JO, are you ok in there, you've been in there an hour and a half now?" questioned my husband.
It was then I realized I was sitting in a bathtub filled with stone cold water. But I felt free for the first time ever in my life.
There was a born again nurse's aide at work. I spoke with her much. I began to read the Bible. I still had so many questions: How did I know this was really the literal Word of God? How could I believe every word? What was just "good stories" and what was real?
Did you really inspire these writers? Is every word literal? Can I trust this book?
I found myself reading in the Old Testament and came across Isaiah 40:22:
"It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in." (RSV)
Then it "popped into my head" that when we studied history "in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue" they all thought if he went too far, he'd sail off the edge of the earth this scripture was written way before Columbus. Yet, whoever inspired this writing knew the earth was a circle and it sounded like he was sitting above that circle.
Next I found Psalms 103:11-12: "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so is his great steadfast love towards those who fear him, as far as the east in from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." (RSV)
I started thinking about this. If you go north pretty soon you are going south because the earth spins on its axis which is from north to south
However, if you go east you keep going east forever and never go west.
The lights were coming on just like the sun rises each and every morning.
The person who inspired this knew that the earth was a circle and rotated on an axis. Who but God?
Shortly after this I was reading in the New Testament and found two scriptures regarding end times: Matthew 24:40-41 "Then two men will be in the field; one is taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one is taken and one is left."
And Luke 17:34-35 (speaking of the same end times event) tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed; one will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together; one will be taken and the other left." (RSV)
I mentally checked this out too. It was too early in time for electricity in the fields, no night lights, so those in the field and grinding had to be in the daytime. And those asleep, looked like it was nighttime. Showing the concept of an earth with part of it in day and the rest in night when this event happened.
Again, who but the Lord God knew about this at the time in history when these scriptures were written.
Thank you, Lord God, for caring enough to help me with my "issues" about the Bible. Thank you for looking upon my converted atheist's heart and teaching me, answering my questions and giving me much to think about in the years that followed.
I no longer wondered which parts of the Bible were "just good stories" and which were literal. I knew from that day on I could rely on what was written within those incredible and wonderful pages. And I knew that I would have these examples to share with anyone else who was questioning, like I was.
How much more could I be loved? How much more personable could my Lord and savior be? I came to find out that this was just the beginning, the very beginning. All these years later I am still learning and growing, daily thanking my incredible raboni, the Lord Jesus Christ.
(C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with with proper credits.
Marijo Phelps,saved by Jesus grace in 1974, from 9 years atheism into His loving arms. She is wanting to spread the good news about His redemptive plan for our lives through written media. Her name is pronounced Mary Jo. She was an RN for 23+ years, missionary with YWAM,statistical analyst for Every Home for Christ 9 years. Her first poem published when she was four years old. (her mom had much to do with that!) She has been writing ever since.
Her new blog can be found: http://myincrediblelord.blogspot.com
Her new blog can be found: http://myincrediblelord.blogspot.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)What a story, Marijo! I love how Scripture proves itself and comforts when we most need it!HE knew what I needed and even with my bazillion questions - sometimes I felt He was indicating that perhaps it was time to TRUST but He didn't put scriptures in His book about "come, let us reason together...." because He wanted us to take a flying leap - He gave us our minds and wants us to use them and I, for one, think that is WONDERFUL! Marijo
Marijo-what a ministry you have!I love that our God is a God that loves us to ask questions and has no problem repeatedly giving answers! Thanks for sharing your story! I am sure it will help many!He has made me totally joyful to write of His faithfulness - we live 17 miles from the nearest grocery store and this is something I can do from my mountain meadow - thanks for your comments! Marijo
God is always there to reveal Himself to us if we search for Him. You have proven that. Thanks so much for sharing this great testimony.Yes, He welcomes our questions and is SO faithful to give us answers and sometimes to tell us to just believe.... thanks for your reading this piece! Marijo
HI Marijo, thank you for sharing a portion of your powerful testimony. When the heart cries out in earnest, God is faithful to show us what we need to see to have enough faith to respond. From there is grows and grows, and you have become a mighty witness sharing the heart of the Father with many. Praise the Lord! I am blessed to know you! TeresaI am totally encouraged and blessed to know you too, Sister... maybe someday before eternity we can share a cuppa (as my Australian friend says) Off to try to sit still and LISTEN to our Lord! I find He always has much to say in His written Word and to our hearts if we but HUSH.... know what I mean? Marijo (PS HUSH is not my strong suit)
Okay, before I get started let me say this...You contacted me on one of my articles, and asked me to read this...You said you were once an Atheist and that "I seemed to be where you once were."...I need to make it clear Marijo that I am NOT an Atheist...I am someone who says repeatedly that God does NOT exist...Theist believe in God - Atheist don't believe in God - I say THERE IS NO GOD - PERIOD!! "Belief" is not a word in my vocabulary when it comes to this issue...Belief is for those who are unable to commit one way or the other...People who "believe" lack conviction...To believe is for one to say they are "not sure" like I have stated many times before, yet no one seems to get that....Anyway here goes......."I've made a wreck of my life. If you're there, I need you to forgive me and to have you take over." This went on for some time. I am not sure what I expected, but nothing "weird" happened. I felt calm and peaceful, like a huge bounder in a backpack was lifted off my shoulders.""Hey, JO, are you ok in there, you've been in there an hour and a half now?" questioned my husband.It was then I realized I was sitting in a bathtub filled with stone cold water. But I felt free for the first time ever in my life.There was a born again nurse's aide at work. I spoke with her much. I began to read the Bible. I still had so many questions: How did I know this was really the literal Word of God? How could I believe every word? What was just "good stories" and what was real?Did you really inspire these writers? Is every word literal? Can I trust this book?*** It seems to me you were looking for God long before you asked for help...I wonder sometimes if "seeking" induces such feelings of "finding."***I also had a long bout with drugs, alcohol, and gambling, but I turned around without God...For me it was that my mind, body, and wallet just couldn't do it any more...I grew up...I guess if I wanted to I could give God credit, but why?...I'm the one who quit! I'm the one who went back to school and earned a degree! I'm the one that people like better now because I question everything and no longer con myself and others.*** You on the other hand may have needed God because you felt ugly inside, and needed approval....I never look back in discust on my life? Why should I? I'm only human. I don't mind being human and making mistakes. In fact I have learned to laugh and enjoy when I screw up some days...Being human is great! If there is a God and he doesn't like my humanness then "Oh well." That's on him since he created stupid humans...Being human is perfectly synchronized with the Yin Yang philosophy...I am intelligent one day - an idiot the next. Happy at one time - sad at another. I am full of wonderful contradictions, and what a great way to be."I found myself reading in the Old Testament and came across Isaiah 40:22:""It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in." (RSV)Then it "popped into my head" that when we studied history "in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue" they all thought if he went too far, he'd sail off the edge of the earth this scripture was written way before Columbus. Yet, whoever inspired this writing knew the earth was a circle and it sounded like he was sitting above that circle.*** I'm not sure Marijo, but it seems you took liberties in interpreting "circle" to mean SPHERE...They are after all two different things...When Isaah said, "Circle" he could have had the same mentality as Columbus and his people did that the Earth was a flat circle.Next I found Psalms 103:11-12: "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so is his great steadfast love towards those who fear him, as far as the east in from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." (RSV)*** If you were to take any book that suggest spiritual principles, you will continue to find passages that "fit" your circumstances...As in the words of Simon and Garfunkel, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls." From the song Sounds of Silence....I have read graffiti in many locations that sometimes strike a chord with me depending on how I am feeling at the time, which I find to be just as or more inspirational than the Bible or other books....We are ALL at one time or another prophets.I started thinking about this. If you go north pretty soon you are going south because the earth spins on its axis which is from north to southHowever, if you go east you keep going east forever and never go west.The lights were coming on just like the sun rises each and every morning.The person who inspired this knew that the earth was a circle and rotated on an axis. Who but God?*** A circle doesn't rotate on its axis...A sphere does....It seems you wanted God's approval so bad Marijo you may have been convincing yourself to interpret that which was not there, or distorting things for your benefit.Shortly after this I was reading in the New Testament and found two scriptures regarding end times: Matthew 24:40-41 "Then two men will be in the field; one is taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one is taken and one is left."And Luke 17:34-35 (speaking of the same end times event) tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed; one will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together; one will be taken and the other left." (RSV)I mentally checked this out too. It was too early in time for electricity in the fields, no night lights, so those in the field and grinding had to be in the daytime. And those asleep, looked like it was nighttime. Showing the concept of an earth with part of it in day and the rest in night when this event happened.*** I'm trying hard to follow you Marijo, but your interpretations seem too extreme for me to grasp....How do you get the Earth is part day and part night from those passages? "One will be taken and another left....Two grind...One will be taken the other left." What does that have to do with Earth's circle, and night and day?...Again, who but the Lord God knew about this at the time in history when these scriptures were written.Thank you, Lord God, for caring enough to help me with my "issues" about the Bible. Thank you for looking upon my converted atheist's heart and teaching me, answering my questions and giving me much to think about in the years that followed.*** I don't see how being a Theist is any different then being an Atheist since both depend upon "Belief" in order to exist....One says, I do believe - One says, I don't...It's like me saying as I have before, "I believe I can shoot that target from here (50 yards away), and you saying, "I don't believe you can do it."...Either way we both agree we are "not sure" I can.Whether people "believe" in God or not is irrelevant since they ad up to the same thing. Belief or no belief = I'm not sure!*** Also Marijo, technically you are STILL an Atheist...If you believe in and accept only the God of the Bible like the book instructs you to, then that means you DO NOT accept the other thousands of Gods men have given similar accolades to...Why do you believe and choose one God over the many, yet see yourself as no longer being an Atheist?I no longer wondered which parts of the Bible were "just good stories" and which were literal. I knew from that day on I could rely on what was written within those incredible and wonderful pages. And I knew that I would have these examples to share with anyone else who was questioning, like I was.*** Yes you questioned, but you also provided your own interpretations...A very dangerous undertaking.How much more could I be loved? How much more personable could my Lord and savior be?*** No more than me...I am more loved by my daughters than any fictitious "being."...Try to beat that...Any love given to me outside of my kids is secondary! They are real, and so is their love. I don't need anything beyond them!...If I do then I must be very insecure.*** Thanks for leading me to this personal story Marijo...It's obvious you are a person who seeks love and inner peace, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that..*** As for me, I always have to check myself and my motives to make sure I'm not seeing or hearing what I want to hear just because I want it to "fit."*** Whatever works for you Marijo I say continue on, and I will always wish you and any other "believers" the very best......Kenny
Thanks for taking time to read and comment on this, Kenny. I'm glad we had a chance to talk and get to understand a little bit about where each of us is coming from. Marijo
Well, Marijo, those were special revelations of scripture that God gave you personally! Of all my bible study, I've never considered the "circle of the earth" and the north/south vs. east/west things before! But you're right! Those were written way, way back when everyone believed our earth was flat, before anyone knew our earth is round!After you cried out to God to take over your life, He began proving Himself to you.You'd be surprised how similar our testimonies are, too. I also cried out to God and said almost verbatim the same words you said in your bathtub. And what happened right after that was also supernatural!Great article, sister!Thanks so much Terry for coming here and reading and with comments - will look forward to your testimony too! HE is just SO incredible there are hardly words for it! Marijo
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