NOT a Day for Girl's Plumbing
Posted: Monday, April 05, 2010
by Marijo Phelps
It was Saturday, the day we almost always go for a hike no matter what season of the year it is. We drove to a spot we had hiked before over the dirt roads out to the middle of NO WHERE, parked the truck, got on layers and layers of green sweatshirts, balaclavas, gloves, walking sticks, packs. We slammed the doors to the very muddy truck and took off. Much of the snow had melted, the winds were busy evaporating off the rest.
We looked ahead, there was a herd of about 60 “girls". The cow elk were very pregnant and soon it would be baby birthing season. They looked pretty dramatic on the top of the hill standing tall against the backdrop of brilliant blue skies, their darker chocolate neck and chest contrasting with their lighter bodies. I made a couple of “cow calls" which made them stop to look before going back the way they had come. Those frigid winds were blowing our scent directly to the ladies, and they were smart and left, after I snapped their photo.
Boy the winds were fierce but they were blowing us along and actually helping our hike. We figured by the time we came back they would have slowed down and we weren’t too concerned.
Somewhere in there I noticed Mick was relieving himself and I was thinking, I can wait, it is way too cold to drop and squat. I really am not that desperate.
We were headed to a wonderful rock outcropping that had several caves in it. Last time we were here there was way more snow than we expected and out feet were wet as we sloshed through the snowy fields towards the rocks. There was no wind that day either.
Man, that wind was so cold that I put my hand up to shield my eyes from the freeze on the windward eye. I had visions of my eyeball freezing and was thinking about the marbles we’d played with as kids.
By now Mick had relieved himself about 5 times and I was still mentally crossing my legs. “Honey, this rock is big enough so you might have shelter if you need to go."
“Nah, just the thought of squatting and turning my cheeks into ice blocks is enough to convince me I can wait a little longer."
I was between those rocks and they were acting like a funnel for that wind. This was a first for me but I really could and would wait a bit longer.
“Hey, you brought your book didn’t you? I think I am going to explore those caves."
“Watch out for mama bear, ‘tis the season and she probably wouldn’t be very happy to see you with the cubs she has…."
“Yah, I will look for footprints before I stick my nose in any cave."
I was wondering what good that would do if she hadn’t “un-hybernated" yet, but didn’t say anything.
I sat on the rocks trying to turn a way that the wind wasn’t hitting me. The best it got was freezing my knees, yep, my crossed knees. The rest of me was fairly out of the wind in this position. I could read my book but it might end up in Kansas really fast so I shut my eyes and rested.
Not sure how long it had been but I decided to get up and see if I could spot my hubby. I walked a bit away from the “sheltering" rocks. Yes, they had helped because out in the open it was totally bitterly cold. The wind had actually picked up rather than settling down.
I saw Mick blowing towards me. “Hey, maybe I will not go to the plateau today but we could go over that way and head back to the truck" His arm sweeping in the direction he was indicating.
We hike every week and some of the sweetest words I ever hear coming out of Mick’s mouth are “back to the truck". This particular hike was a 5 miler and with those winds we shouldn’t have been out at all. I am a pretty good sport but there are limits.
I couldn’t believe it, there he was peeing again, my Mick, who is usually like a cactus. DRY.
About then I was “wishing and hoping and thinking and praying" trying to figure out how I could keep my legs crossed the 2.5 miles back to the truck.
He pointed me in the shorter direction and he went a bit different route to “explore".
I got to a place where there was some snow cover. Not much, just enough so that when you broke through it threw you off. Then I broke through up to my knees. Yes, I know the tricks about looking for the areas with weeds sticking up because it wasn’t so deep and I was doing that. Never mind that it wasn’t always possible. I was staggering, blowing and trying to hold my hand up on the windward side which means holding the hiking stick in the left hand. Next thing I know I am on my knees. It was seeming like a good place to stay for a time until I realized they’d get wet and then be even colder.
I looked back over my shoulder and saw Mick “Are you OK? You were staggering and stumbling all over the place back there? Maybe you could pee down in the valley of this hill? Boy, my legs hurt and I’m tired, how about you?"
We have been married close to 25 years and maybe I have heard him say he was tired once before this. Now I don’t feel so bad about feeling so bad. Maybe that was his intent.
“We’re getting closer to the truck, Jo."
I hope so, would die if we were getting farther away. He is the one with the built in direction finder. I never got one, was probably in the bathroom when they were being passed out…..oh, no, he was relieving himself AGAIN.
“I have never seen you pee so much on a hike, what’s up?"
“Must have been all that coffee…."
I will let you fill in the blanks as to what I was thinking but about that time I caught sight of the truck. It was tiny but at least I could see it. We were coming back a different way but there was hope! Food was there and I could finally take care of business knowing we could turn the heater on and get thawed out. It was after 2PM and we hadn’t taken any cheese sticks in our packs and breakfast had been a long ways back. Growl. I was thankful my tummy was the only growling I heard, could have been mama bear.
In climbing that very last fence a terrible thought occurred to me, what if it wasn’t our truck? Tomorrow is Easter and I will be safely in church while Mick is out hiking again.
(C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with proper credits.
Marijo Phelps,saved by Jesus grace in 1974, from 9 years atheism into His loving arms. She is wanting to spread the good news about His redemptive plan for our lives through written media. Her name is pronounced Mary Jo. She was an RN for 23+ years, missionary with YWAM,statistical analyst for Every Home for Christ 9 years. Her first poem published when she was four years old. (her mom had much to do with that!) She has been writing ever since.
Her new blog can be found: http://myincrediblelord.blogspot.com
Her new blog can be found: http://myincrediblelord.blogspot.com
This Article has been viewed 787 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsthat was funny! Thanks MJ!Appreciate your coming by and reading this -
You are a lot stronger than I am and so is your bladder. Good story. Thanks for sharing.It was quite a hike....thanks for your comments!
Marijo,I laughed as I pictured Mark and myself on such an adventure. We are going up to Big Trees in a couple of weeks and I was hoping to see it snowing like I did last year. I woke Mark up at 4:20 with coffee because I was excited like a child watching it snow. As you know, we don't see much snow (if any) here.Love, hugs and blessings,MichelleI lived in Stockton area for over 20 some years and have only seen it snow there once - the grade school kids were screaming and hollering at the event and woke me up - I worked PMs at Dameron then...Thanks so much for reading and I hope you get your snow!
I forgot to get in here and get this rated for you Marijo. I enjoyed reading it again..I feel for you when your on the hikes, especially in the cold winds..lol I too would have waited..Thanks so much Jo for dropping by - today the sun is out and minimal winds - looks like a good weekend coming up for a sane and normal hike for cardio!
I really enjoyed how this article was written. A lot of articles are very wordy and very straightforward which is great in some respects but your descriptive opening really set the tone for the rest of the article and I really enjoyed this as I am an out-doorsy person also!Thank you so much! I like to bring Colorado to as many people as possible! This weekend it is more melted so maybe I will write a stuck in the mud article!
I spent some time on the plains of North Dakota. Boy cold wind can be the worst thing ever!Thanks for reading and your comments, Walter.
I lovee hiking and I live in Hong Kong, thank you for sharing the scenery of Colorado!BrianYou're welcome Brina - thanks for reading this and your comments!
That reminds me of the time I went hunting with my husband- almost the exact same thing happened to me- But I decided to make a try for it- I fell over into the wet mud and grass, and almost froze to death- He had to carry me out on his back-( I was tiny then ha ha) needless to say, that was my last hunting trip! Good article Marijo- brought back memories. Always- EllaYou are fun to come and comment and I do enjoy reading your pieces too! Thanks for the stars!
Fun reading, good diary entry or family memoirs, should be in book cover.Thanks so much for coming by and your kind comments!
Sorry it took me so long to read this-was on vacation visiting the grandkids. I've been on some long hikes myself in the cold-I know just what you were feeling!! You need to find a hollow tree stump!Sounds like a plan! The weather has been much improved the past two weekends! Thanks Terri!
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